Marketing Call at Church - Glad to Be Presbyterian

Today was a rather rough day on a number of levels. The icing on the cake was this phone call from some no name organization that is in business to market to churches on how to market the church.

Marketing is huge business in our society and how the marketing culture has infiltrated the church just makes me mad. I really get steamed with how small churches get marketed to and how gullible these marketers think small churches and their pastors are. I see through their pitch and I ain’t buying.

Today I received yet another cold call from yet another ‘outreach’ marketer telling me how they can help me grow my church. HELLO….isn’t it God and the Holy Spirit that grows the Church of Jesus Christ? Well I listened to the guy’s spiel which started off something like this:

Me: Hello [I don’t have the luxury of a secretary to screen my calls during the day…I have a great secretary she works part-time and in the evenings after her day job…the church would not function without her…I answer my own phone during the day when I’m in the office.]

Marketer Dude: My I speak with the pastor

Me: I am the pastor. [It does not cease to amaze me how many of these marketer types are still surprised when a woman is the pastor…but that is fodder for another blog entry]

Marketer Dude: Yattles on about how they can me grow the church and gee wouldn’t I want to grow the church [all the while I’m thinking … I don’t grow the church …in fact it isn’t my job to grow the church…church growth happens through the work of the Holy Spirit ] and that they have already done some research [asks me to verify the zip code of the church] and was I aware that x number of new families move into the zip code each month and wouldn’t I like to have those new families visit my church and that they can help me by providing mailing labels for these new families. [I’m thinking are you are that the zip code where this church is located has the highest foreclosure rate in the United States! HELLO…that’s why there are x number of new families moving in to the neighborhood each month…it’s a transitional neighborhood]

He then asked me if we have a brochure, postcard or if send out a weekly mailing.

Me: No we don’t do a weekly mailing but we have a bulletin we hand out each Sunday at worship.

Marketer Dude: You could print up some extras and mail those out each week. Could I verify some information so we could sign you up for our program. We will do this for you for four months and if after four months and you are happy with the new families that have come to your church then you can decide to continue. [I’m seeing a cash register and hearing cha ching in my head the whole time this guy is talking]

Me: I really can’t make that decision right now. I have to run it through my Session and our next Session meeting will be

Marketer Dude: You mean you can’t make that decision now? A lot of pastors I talk to can make that decision on their own.

Me: Well I need to run this through my Session, they make the decisions for the church.

Marketer Dude: Of course they would be on board with wanting to grow the church

Me: Most likely, but we would want to see a written proposal and if there are any financial implications we would need to see those too. I would need seven copies for my meeting.

Marketer Dude: Well I think I could send you something. Do you have a fax machine?

Me: No

Marketer Dude: You don’t. We have a nice electronic brochure I could send.

Me: Only a couple of my Session members have computers and we really need to see a proposal in hard copy.

Marketer Dude: {sounding a bit disappointed} I will send something out to you and we say goodbye.

I’m glad to be a Presbyterian because of the process of making decisions. I can’t make decisions with financial implications sight unseen without the Session making the decision to authorize the expenditures. It makes my life easier in that I can shut down these marketing ploys by just a simple application of polity. It also protects me from getting caught up in the latest trend without having the Session consider if it something good for their congregation. In the process of the Session looking at something they get to think about the mission and ministry of the church and if the latest trend is actually good for the congregation and its ministry. Having the Session make the decisions makes the Session accountable to making good decisions and deciding how they are going to lead the congregation. Having a strong Session and encouraging them to make decisions about the mission and ministry of the congregation keeps me from becoming a lone ranger pastor that is building a cult of personality rather than discerning the will of Christ and the ministry that needs to take place through the ministry of the congregation…Lord knows there are enough lone ranger pastors who seek to build a cult of personality out there. I got wind of a crazy idea of one of them today before this phone call [ but that too is fodder for another blog entry in the future]

So that was part of my day. The other part of my day I don’t want to blog about yet. I will say I came home and knitted on my second flutter-by sock and got through the heel turn. I think my knitting is therapeutic, especially after a day like today.